Ancient
Weddings
by Jennifer
Goodall Powers, SUNY Albany
Original text
© 1997 Jennifer Goodall Powers
Roman Weddings
Ideal Marriage
While procreation
was the main motivation for marriage43,
there were other qualities that determined the status of a woman
as an ideal wife. The first of these qualities was that she should
remain faithful to just one man her whole life, being an univira.44 Originally, this woman
was one who possessed pudicitia throughout her marriage
and died before her husband. Univirae later came to refer
to widows who preferred not to remarry. She could participate
in certain rituals reserved only for univirae, such as
the preparation of a bride for bed or sacrifice at the shrine
of Pudicitia. Words such as sola and una are frequently
used on epitaphs to describe a univira. Roman couples
were also expected to have an eternal, sempiternum, marriage
bond that would last in vita. This concept further
emphasizes the respect for univirae.
Wifely obedience
and dutifulness (morem gerere) are the next requirements
valued in an ideal wife. Domestic virtues might include antiqua
vita, to be old fashioned; domiseda, to be content to stay
at home; obsequium, to be dutifully obedient to her husband;
comitas or sermone lepido, to be friendly and amusing;
frugi, to be careful with the household money; ornatus
non conspiciendi, not to be over dressed; and religionis
sine superstitione, to be religious without being fanatical.
Naturally, a material quality that was required of every woman
was lanifica, or lanam fecit, a talent for spinning
and weaving. Wives were naturally expected to be chaste regardless
of any circumstances.
Treggiari explains
the double standard in Greek and Roman societies: It is undeniable
that the Romans, like the Greeks before them, demanded different
standards of chastity from women and men. The preservation of
virginity before marriage was essential. A few cautionary tales
were handed down as a deterrent, but the offence was more effectively
avoided by the practice of marrying girls off soon after they
reached puberty and by the strict upbringing of the daughters
of the upper classes. To assert that a man debauched Roman virgins
was almost too bad a charge for even blackening a political enemy
.... Discretion, if not virtue, prevails. Chastity was also demanded
of married women and viduae.45
All women, from
young virgins to experienced widows, were expected to protect
their sexual reputation.
Furthermore, a Roman
marriage was expected to be a partnership between husband and
wife characterized by concordia and reverentia,
as explained here: Partnership becomes an automatic inclusion
in discussions of marriage [by ancient authors] ... The notion
of marriage as partnership and companionship was so established,
then, as to be part of the civic rhetoric and the public sphere.
The many literary and epigraphic references to companionship,
mutual loyalty and support, and the ideal of a happy and harmonious
marriage show that this was part of a popular ideal as well as
public and imperial ideology.46
Sine discrimine, sine offensione,
and sine ulla querela are phrases found on epitaphs to
describe women in marriages with concordia. Further evidence
of the value placed on concordia and reverentia
was the law forbidding husband or wife to "institute penal
or defaming actions against one another."47 Much of what is known about
ideal marriages comes from inscriptions. An inscription dedicated
to a woman named Claudia dates to the second century B.C.:
hospes,
quod deico paullum est, asta ac pellege. heic est sepulcrum hau
pulcrum pulcrae feminae: nomen parentes nominarunt Claudiam.
suam maritum corde dilexit suo: natos duos creavit: horunc alterum
in terra linquit, alium sub terra locat. sermone lepido, tum
autem incessu commodo. domum servavit. lanam fecit. dixi, abei.48
Friend,
stand by and read through, since I have a little to say. This
is the beautiful grave of a beautiful woman: her parents gave
her the name Claudia. She loved her husband with her heart: she
bore two children: now one remains on the earth, the other is
placed under the ground. With charming speech and then, on the
other hand, with proper gait, she served the household. She wove
wool. I spoke, she died.49
One of the most
famous inscriptions was found presumably on the tomb of a woman
called "Turia." Written by her husband, Pharsalus,
this account presents all the qualities a man could want in a
wife. When her parents were murdered, Turia saw to it that their
murderers were brought to justice and that her inheritance was
returned to her. When Pharsalus was proscribed in 43 B.C., Turia
helped him escape into exile and then got on her knees to Lepidus
to make sure he would acknowledge the pardon earlier granted
to her husband by Philippi Octavian. Though they shared forty-one
years of happy marriage, they had no children. Knowing how important
this was in Roman marriages and assuming it was her fault, Turia
offered to divorce Pharsalus so he could marry another. Pharsalus'
responded: "I must admit, that at this I exploded; I went
out of my mind; I was so horrified by your suggestion, that I
could scarcely pull myself together. The very idea of your even
imagining the possibility of ceasing to be my wife, when you
had once clung so firmly to me when I was an exile, and as good
as dead. How could having children matter to that degree?"50 But things were different
by the end of the Republic.
Footnotes:
43.
The seal of a successful marriage was a male child.
44.
See Cat. c. 68.135 & 111.1 for representations of univirae.
45.
Treggiari 1991, 315-16. Chapter 9 of Treggiari's book goes into
great detail about the sexual expectations of husbands and wives.
46.
Dixon, Suzanne. 1991. The Roman Family. Baltimore, MD,
69-70.
47. Corbett, 125.
48.
Arkins, 49.
49.
My translation.
50.
Balsdon, 205.
