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Professor H.P. (Horatio
Porcius) McGillicuddy was an adjunct professor |
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of biochemistry at Sagittarius
University. While he was patently a genius |
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in his field, nevertheless, we plebeian
freshmen intermittently questioned |
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whether he really had his faculties
about him or not! Admonitions from |
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recent graduates told us that our
potential success in his Biochem 101 |
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class was recumbent upon nocturnal
servitude in his laboratory, while |
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he, with his infectious grin and
numerous nubilous folds that latently |
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contained his chin, clamored to
investigate the spontaneous |
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combustionary qualities of none
other than French perfume! |
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Adhering to a strict daily itinerary,
the professor would |
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perambulate directly to Dana Hall,
circumventing all who attempted to |
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beseige him with greetings and petitions
for help with homework, and |
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focusing with the avid obsession
of a man in love --- with his fuming |
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beakers and his odoriferous concoctions!
Totally nescient of his students' |
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other needs - pecuniary, culinary,
or sanitary - he amorously bent to his |
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brain-child, much as a mother in
lactation hovers to exhort her infant to |
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grow… Here he reposed, to the
exclusion of all activity, save the reluctant |
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diurnal trek across the corridor
for a lecture class or to bark minatory |
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instructions to us, his subservient
freshmen assistants. |
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With his ubiquitous fishing hat
scrunched upon his rumpled red hair |
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and his voluminous pants cinched
around his girth by a vinculum of |
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rawhide - obvious evidence of a
multitude of gustatory repasts - he would |
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miraculously retain our acute attention,
usually with a frontal assault on |
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our eardrums and brains, his stentorian
voice resonating from here to |
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Hades, and demanding cognition in
return, no less! |
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Though he had been offered a guest
lecture circuit, complete with |
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viaticum and honorarium, he had
declined in deference to the incipient |
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fructification within his beloved
lab. Thus, we freshmen, a collocation of |
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timorous academic mendicants, hesitant
though we were, dove into our |
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studies and "extra-curricular
responsibilities" via the infamous |
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McGillicuddy natatorium, a.k.a.,
"Porcius' Pool of Perfumery!" |
